Once there was a girl who felt she did not belong. Everywhere she went, she always felt lonely.
During her childhood she used to spend a lot of time playing alone in her room. Talking to herself and to her dolls. She was an only child and her family was not that big. So, she dreamed about a big house, full with people walking around, laughing, talking to each other.
She was an introvert kid which made it harder to make friends at school. Soon she got used to bury her head in studies and spent her lunch time reading a book or working on extra assignments. She kept carrying these loneliness feelings, convincing herself that it was just temporary until she found her soulmate.
Eventually she reached adulthood and met the love of her life (or so she felt at the time) with whom she had beautiful children. Her husband came from a large family which meant big get-togethers. Life went relatively well from a financial perspective which translated into a considerable amount of goods. A big house with a pool and garden, three cars, family holidays abroad at least twice a year.
There were times when she felt a certain anxiety growing inside. In these moments it was as if she were back to her childhood room, alone, playing by herself. She would immediately close that backdoor to her past, pushing her feelings down and keep moving forward.
Slowly she started noticing that her anxiety was harder to control. She felt that a big black hole was growing inside her and there was nothing she could possibly do. She was afraid and had no clue how to avoid falling down the hole.
The day she gave in into her anxiety, she was not swallowed by the black hole as she thought she would. She fell on the floor and cried until there were no more tears left. And then she sat and listened to the silence.
All of these years she felt lonely. All the diplomas, the perfect husband, the high-end goods, the luxurious holidays...even the big house full of people she used to dream about as a kid were not filling in the void.
It felt overwhelming and enlightening at the same time. Her uneasiness, her anxiety had finally a name: Loneliness. As soon as she realized it, she knew she was alone but no longer felt lonely.
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